Shadow of Your Love
by SisiDraig
Summary: Howard and Vince are finally together but when tempted by another can Vince stay faithful? lol. I hate summaries - they sound so cheesy! haha xx
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so it****'****s official: ****'****I****'****m obsessed with this site.****'****! But it****'****s not my fault all these stories keep popping in my head that I **_**have**_** to write. And stories keeping popping into other people****'****s heads that I **_**have **_**to read. See it****'****s really half your fault :p.**

**Disclaimers: **

'**Shadow of Your Love****'**** is the name of a song on the (constantly) soon to be released (crosses fingers) album Chinese Democracy by Guns N****'**** Roses (well Axl Rose and some mates of his, but still). I don****'****t own it!**

'**The Mighty Boosh****'**** belongs to Julian Barrett, Noel Fielding and various corporations like BBC 3 and Baby Cow. I don****'****t own it - yet!**

**Hope you enjoy****…**

* * *

Vince and Howard had known each other for a _very _long time. Howard couldn't remember when they'd met but Vince insisted he had looked over from the cot in hospital and seen Howard, and that he knew it was Howard because the baby had had a moustache.

However, how they met wasn't really important. All that mattered was that recently their relationship had taken a dramatic change. They didn't know how it had started or how long ago. Was it that kiss on the roof? Was it the time Howard told Vince he loved him in the tundra? Or was it not a specific moment, just a long build up of deep respect and care for each other leading slowly but surely to the love they felt now.

When they'd finally admitted to themselves and to each other their true feelings things had escalated extremely quickly. One day just friends. Next day lovers. Week later moving in to the same room. Now, six months down the line, for the first time in their entire history their relationship was strained, to say the least. Vince was beginning to wonder whether this tense atmosphere was caused by his straying feelings for another man in his life. A good looking, electro-loving lad from his latest band, named Kris. Vince couldn't be sure whether his thoughts of Kris were love or lust, but either way they were strong. Really strong. And they were occupying his mind more and more.

"What you thinking about?" Howard asked looking up from his paper to see Vince daydreaming.

"Oh… nothing." Vince blushed violently. Howard grunted in disapproval.

"I'm bored." he announced folding up the paper neatly and resting it on the coffee table. "Do you fancy going for a walk?"

"I can't" grinned Vince "I'm doing that gig tonight remember."

"Oh yer." frowned Howard "with that twit Kris?"

"He's not a twit!" Vince cried a little loudly and quickly. "He's a talented musician. He's a good guy."

"He's a twit." Howard insisted.

"A twit?" laughed Vince, "What are you from the 1800's?"

Howard laughed. "Hey, I've just had an idea," he smiled "let's order a pizza and…"

"Howard!" Vince said angrily "I can't. I've got to get ready to leave. I'm going soon."

"You seem extremely excited about leaving." frowned Howard

"It's going to be a good gig. There're going to be a couple of big music producers there. Kris's got this brilliant idea…"

"_Kris has got this brilliant idea. Kris__'__s so cool. Kris is so fantastic_." mimicked Howard

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Vince yelled

"Why are you so touchy?"

"You're behaving like a complete arse!"

"You are a complete arse."

"I thought you were supposed to be witty." scorned Vince.

"I'm sure Kris would have come up with a good come back."

"Why do you keep bringing Kris into the argument?"

"Annoying isn't it?"

"Yeah"

"You've been doing that for the last few months."

"Have not!"

"_Kris said this. Kris said that. Kris did this funny thing. Kris, Kris, Kris, Kris._"

"Oh my god!" Vince laughed in disbelief "You're jealous!"

"Well…" retaliated Howard blushing.

"You are deluded!" yelled Vince and stormed, angry and confused, to his room.

Vince packed his suitcase extremely slowly hoping to avoid Howard for as long as possible, he didn't fancy the awkward reunion. It was hard to argue with Howard when the point the was arguing wasn't 100 true. Maybe Howard wasn't deluded with his jealousy but Vince couldn't admit that. Despite the fact his heart was aching for a new man, Vince couldn't bear the thought of losing Howard.

Just as he was packing the last of his overnight stuff there was a tentative knock on the door.

"Vince?" Howard called quietly. "I'm sorry." Vince felt a horrible feeling of guilt clawing at his stomach. Howard shouldn't be apologizing. This was all wrong.

"Vince?" Howard continued "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Vince called back, shaking himself free of the guilty monster and smiling up at Howard as he appeared through the door holding out a peace offering, a piece of chocolate cake.

"Thanks." smiled Vince taking the cake. "I do like cake and chocolate. And I'm sorry too."

"Don't be silly." said Howard sitting down on the edge of their bed. "You haven't done… Is that toothpaste?" he asked suddenly, looking into the neatly packed bag.

"Yeah."

"What do you need that for?"

"Take a wild guess." grinned Vince putting another pair of black drainpipes into the bag.

"Okay, but why are you going to need to brush your teeth?"

"I've got to stay over night?"

"_Got_ to? Or _want_ to?"

"What are you trying to suggest?"

"Nothing." Howard lied, watching Vince put what he always called his 'best clothes' into the bag. "What do you need them for?"

"After show party. It's going to be genius."

"I'm sure it will be."

"That's why I'm going to be staying there. The party wont finish till… hell it might not finish." Vince said excitedly throwing another two t-shirts in to the suitcase.

"Do you need all these clothes?"

"Yeah." Vince replied putting in four different pairs of boots.

"Where are you going to put this suitcase, if you're partying all night?"

"Our hotel room?"

"_Our_ hotel room?" scowled Howard.

"Yeah."

"Who exactly is 'our'?"

"Me and Kris. Don't go getting jealous." smiled Vince "It was Kris's idea."

"Was it?" Howard asked failing to control the green eyed monster.

"It's a twin room." Vince explained. "We've only got it because it's going to save money. We put that extra €100 towards creating an album."

"I suppose." agreed Howard looking at his lap.

"Hey," said Vince sliding on to Howard's lap and snaking his arms around the bigger mans neck. "I'm going to be thinking of you the whole time." he smiled, placing a gentle kiss on Howard's lips.

"Good." Howard grinned stroking Vince's hair. "You know… we could say goodbye properly." he smiled eyeing the bed.

"I don't really feel like it." Vince said airily, getting up swiftly and throwing his final t-shirt into the suitcase.

"Course you don't." Howard said grumpily.

"What now?" sighed Vince, desperately crushing his clothes into the undersized bag.

"You. You used to be gagging for it all the time but now… now it's like you don't want me anymore."

"Hmm. Give me a hand with this bag will you. I'll sit on it, you zip it up." Howard zipped it up with a great deal of difficulty and then sat back down heavily on the bed.

"What's wrong now?" asked Vince completely exasperated.

"Do you still… you know, find me attractive?"

"Of course, I do." Vince reassured him "I'm just tired, that's all and I've got to leave soon. We haven't got time."

"We used to make time."

"We still do."

"No we don't your sex drive has almost gone. That or…" Howard trailed off.

"That or _what_, Howard?"

"Nothing."

"No! Not nothing! You'd better tell me what you were going to say because it can't be worse that what's in my head."

"Well… maybe you're getting it somewhere else."

"I can't believe you! I have never slept with anyone else since we've been together!" Vince cried truthfully "Or for a long time before if you must know! I can't believe you just said that! Do you honestly think I'm like that?"

"No, I-"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it!"

"Vince, I-"

"Get out! No. Scratch that. I'm going now anyway! My taxi will be here in a minute!" Vince dragged the heavy suitcase huffily, out of the room and down the steps to the front door.

"Vince, come on. I'm sorry. You can't leave like this. I'm sorry. Vince. Vince."

Vince slammed the suitcase down on the pavement and sat on it head in hands. Howard came out and stood a little distance away.

"It was heat of the moment." Howard explained "I know you wouldn't do anything like that. I was just being stupid. Don't leave. Let us sort it out."

"I can't stay." said Vince "I've promised Kris I'd do the show. The fans know I'm going to be there. I can't let everyone down."

"Then I'll come." suggested Howard. "We can sort out everything while we're away. Stay a bit longer, God knows you've got enough clothes. We could make a week of it. It'll be good."

"I think maybe we could both do with a break. This night apart might be exactly what we need."

"Maybe you're right." conceded Howard as the black cab pulled up. The cabbie got out and hauled the suitcase into the boot.

"I'll see you soon Howard, okay." said Vince kissing Howard on cheek. "We'll sort it out, I promise. Things will go back to how they were. I do love you."

"I love you too." Howard said "And I am sorry about what I said."

"Yeah, well let's just forget that, shall we?"

"Yeah." nodded Howard. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

"And enjoy it."

"I'll try. Bye." Vince said getting in the taxi.

"Bye." Howard waved as the taxi pulled off.

Howard was racked with a feeling of stupidity and kicked wildly at a nearby plant. Why had he had to open his big mouth? He and Vince had enough arguments without him letting his imagination get away from him. He went inside and tried to watch TV but he couldn't concentrate. He kept playing the conversation over and over in his mind.

"Maybe you're getting it somewhere else." and then Vince's face, that expression of hurt, shock and heartbreak all at once. Howard never wanted to hurt Vince and every time he did a pit in the bottom his stomach opened up to further point out his idiocy. This time, however, Howard knew he'd messed up beyond anything he'd ever done before and he felt almost sick. He decided to have a shot of whiskey to calm himself down. One turned into two, two turned into five, five turned into eight, eight turned into passing out on the sofa.


	2. Chapter 2

As the taxi drew near to the hotel Vince was filled with guilty excitement. He couldn't wait for the embrace that he knew Kris would greet him with. The strong hug with the kiss on the cheek that he'd been yearning for.

The taxi driver hauled the heavy suitcase into the lobby and set it down holding his hand out for a tip. Vince handed over the money grudgingly and looked around for Kris.

"Excuse me sir?" called one of the staff behind the check-in desk. "Can I help you at all? You look lost."

Vince flashed her a gorgeous smile, "Just the key please."

"Ah okay no problem. Name please."

"Vince Noir, rock and roll star."

"Okay, uh, Room 69. Down the corridor, on your left."

"Thanks." Vince took the key and looked at the number "Is fate trying to tempt me?"

"Sorry?" asked the women puzzled.

"Nothing, don't worry. Do you know if Kris is here yet, he's a bit taller than me, long hair?"

"Oh yes." the woman giggled "He's here. I believe he's in the bar. He hasn't been up to the room yet though."

"Okay thanks."

Not wanting to seem too eager, Vince decided to drag his suitcase to the room before finding Kris. He opened the door and was bitterly disappointed to find there were two beds. He put the suitcase in the cupboard and searched the room for the mini bar and took a swig of wine to calm his nerves. The room was nice enough, simple and clean, but Vince took no notice whatsoever. He just paced around like a lion in a zoo, fluffing up his hair, straightened his clothes and touching up his eyeliner. Then, deciding he'd waited long enough, he positively skipped to the bar, burst through the door and searched the room for Kris.

There he was, just as utterly gorgeous as Vince remembered him. He was surrounded by a group of giggly teenage girls and equally giggly older women and the odd guy too. Kris was throwing his arms around, flashing a stunning smile, telling jokes and generally entertaining the crowd around him. Vince wanted to run to him. His whole body ached with longing for this blonde brown-eyed boy. Vince wasn't sure he'd ever felt like that about Howard, but he didn't have time to think about Howard now. His mind was too occupied by the fact Kris had just spotted him and was walking towards him, arms out. Vince grinned and walked into the embrace, he felt Kris' lips brush his cheek. All too quickly, the hug was over and Kris said

"You alright mate?"

"Yeah." he smiled in reply.

"How's Howard?"

"Ah you know."

"Well _no _I don't. 'Coz you haven't told me."

"He's fine."

"Just fine?"

"Well if I'm honest he's being a bit of a pain at the moment. We're arguing a lot."

"Awww, he's just trying his hardest to keep hold of you. He knows you're too good for him." mumbled Kris.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. How about a drink before we go and explore our hotel room?"

"Uh, yeah sure."

"Where's your bag?"

"Ummm, one of the hotel people took it up." Vince lied. He quite liked the idea of exploring the room with Kris and didn't want to spoil the magic.

"Oh okay, cool. I bet you've got the biggest suitcase in the world."

"Well…" grinned Vince

"You brought that silver glitter ball suit?"

"Yeah, but I can't wear it on stage. I can hardly breath in it."

"I thought you could wear it to the after show party and I'll wear the matching gold one."

"That would look so cool."

"Vince, I don't think I've ever seen you look uncool. That idiot Howard on the other hand."

"His fashion sense isn't great" agreed Vince giggling "But he's got other qualities."

"I'm sure." scoffed Kris "All I'm going to say is he must be pretty good in the bedroom."

Vince blushed furiously which made Kris laugh as he continued "Now, why don't you get yourself to the bar and I'll see if I can get someone to take my bag to the room."

"Okay then."

Vince was buzzing with excitement from seeing Kris, his stomach still flipping long after he'd ordered his drink. He tried to convince himself it was excitement about the gig but at the back of his mind he knew it wasn't true.

Vince was about half way through his drink when his phone rang loudly.

"Hello."

"_Hiya mate._"

"Kris? why are you ringing me?"

"_I__'__m upstairs in the room. No one took my bag up, I had to do it myself._"

"Right, you coming down for that drink then?"

"_No, I just got a phone call saying we__'__ve taxi picking us up in 20 minutes. I forgot how late it was. Got a bit distracted._"

"Okay, I'll be up now then."

Vince hung up, finished the drink in one gulp and made for the room.

--

Kris opened the door wearing skin tight black jeans and no shirt.

"I can't find your suitcase." he said.

"W-what?" Vince asked unable to take his eyes off Kris's bare torso, becoming unashamedly lost in his own fantasy.

"I said," Kris continued, putting on a guitar shaped necklace. "I can't find your suitcase."

"Oh, it's in here." Vince said casually, taking it out of the cupboard.

"You said the staff brought the suitcase up, how did you know it was in there?"

"I…guessed?" Vince blushed at his feeble lie. Kris grinned back and put on his shirt, much to Vince's disappointment. Vince then noticed the two single beds had been pushed roughly together.

"I thought we were having a twin room." he smiled knowingly.

"Yeah, I know. Nightmare, isn't it? This hotel hasn't got anything right. I can get them to sort it out if you like."

Vince smirked at Kris' lie and caught Kris's deep brown eyes. The ball was in his court. Kris was offering him a chance to opt out, but at the same time he was offering him the chance to…what? - Vince didn't know. All he knew was that he wanted the beds to stay as they were.

"No, it's fine the way it is." he said as offhand as he could manage "It's not like we're going to be sleeping much anyway, is it?"

"Woah." laughed Kris "Anyone would think you were coming on to me."

"No." Vince blushed violently.

"Yeah, Howard would be furious."

'Howard!' thought Vince 'Christ! I'd forgotten all about him.'

"All I meant was we're going to be at the party all night so…"

"Yeah that's true. You need to get changed mate."

"Oh yeah." laughed Vince opening his giant bag pulling out his favourite clothes.

The gig seemed to go very well. The crowd were really into it, cheering in all the right places and joining in when they could and Vince felt there was a really good vibe surrounding the entire show. The music producers said that he and Kris had worked in 'perfect harmony' and they had even hinted at a possible record deal. There had been a makeshift a photo shoot after the gig as well, which Vince had loved! He posed, alone to start with, proudly showing off his clothes and his favourite boots. Then, one of the photographers asked him to pose with Kris. Vince had thought it would be a bit awkward but Kris was just as flamboyant as ever; holding Vince and kissing him on the cheek while the photographers snapped away. The fans loved it, and so did Vince. It took all of his strength not to grab Kris and kiss him right there but he managed to restrain his lust until about midnight.

Kris came up behind him quietly and whispered in a husky, inviting voice "I'm actually feeling a bit tired, I'm going to head on up to the room."

Vince didn't know what to do. Kris didn't look tired, and was it his imagination or was Kris biting his lip seductively? No, it wasn't his imagination. Kris was being _very_ seductive in everything he was doing and Vince could feel he was being mentally undressed and liked it.

"You coming?" asked Kris "Or are you going to stay here with the uh, fans?"

Vince looked around at the electro wannabe's and the people who were trying too hard and a smile forced it's way across his face.

"I'm feeling a bit tired too actually."

--

As soon as the door slammed shut the two men rushed at each other. Lips locking passionately, hands searching furiously, unzipping, unbuttoning, untying. Clumsily, falling over discarded clothes and open suitcases, they landed heavily on the bed. Kris began to trail kisses along Vince's chin. Down his neck. His chest. His stomach. Down further, further until he felt Vince tugging on his hair.

"Kris," breathed Vince. "Kris, stop."

"What?" asked Kris looking up.

"I-I can't… I can't do this to Howard. I love him."

"Right" sighed Kris angrily, standing up and pulling his clothes back on.

"I'm sorry." Vince whispered sitting up.

"Don't be. You're practically married."

Vince looked down at the floor. "Yeah," he sighed "I am."

"I'll pull the beds apart."

"No," sighed Vince "there's no need."

"Right."

Vince and Kris got into the bed, both staying very close to the edge, not wanting to appear too be invading the others space. Vince soon fell into an uncomfortable sleep, dreaming only of what might have been, had his guilt not taken over.

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**Hopefully update Thursday - after watching Noel Fielding (and Rich Fulcher) on Never Mind The Buzzcocks (which is never on BBC wales and I'm furious, also I'm aware it's old but, meh, it's still funny) - but if not I probably wont be able to update 'til the middle of next week because of exam results and lots of celebrating (or more than likely commiserating).**

**Anyway, if you feel like reviewing that would be lov-er-ly :P  
Thanks for reading. xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Had a bit of spare time so I thought I'd update…**

**D/C: You know the drill; not mine.**

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The next morning, Kris woke up early hoping to be gone before Vince got up. He crept into the bathroom and got into the shower, wincing as the cold water hit him. He soon emerged, towel wrapped around his waste and droplets of water glistening on his chest. He glanced over to where Vince was sleeping. Kris thought he looked like an angel, but he quickly shook these thoughts from his head as Vince began to stir. He rushed to get dressed before Vince woke up but it was no use. Kris hadn't even found his clothes before Vince's eyes flickered open. Kris swallowed hard.

"Morning." he said as cheerfully as he could manage.

"Morning" Vince replied drowsily, rubbing his bleary eyes and flipping over to look at Kris. "Wow." he breathed, and then reddened at his outburst. Kris smiled to himself, but it soon faded as he remembered last night's embarrassment. Vince slid out of the bed and went to brush his teeth.

"You in a hurry?" he asked as Kris rushed to pull on his jeans.

"I, ummm, yeah. Sort of."

"Shame."

"Is it?"

"Yeah, I thought we could just hang out for a bit." Vince said through a mouthful of toothpaste.

"Do you think that's really a good idea? Considering what nearly happened last night."

"We're still friends, aren't we?"

"Of course."

"Then what's the problem? Get two cocktails out of the mini bar."

"Sounds good to me."

--

Less than half an hour later the two men were very tipsy. They were laughing loudly at things that weren't funny, rolling around giggling like girls at a sleepover and clumsily sloshing Flirtini's over the duvet.

"Fill it up!" slurred Vince, holding up his glass to Kris. Kris reached over to the bedside table to pick up the bottle and promptly knocked it over. Vince laughed so much that he suddenly found himself sat on the floor with a bump. Kris screeched with laughter and reached out a hand to haul him back up. As Vince took it the touch sent shivers down both their spines, sobering them up in seconds. Vince landed softly on the bed beside Kris, both unable to take their eyes off each other. Kris reached up a tentative hand to cup the smaller mans face and Vince could feel the desire for Kris building up inside him again, his yearning for Kris battling with his guilt over Howard. Loyalty versus lust. Lust winning through.

Kris shuffled closer to Vince. His fingers wandering gently down his face, his neck, his chest.

"I don't think we should" Vince groaned lustfully.

"No" agreed Kris "we shouldn't". He smiled, placing a lingering kiss on Vince's lips. "I'm not going to force you. You just tell me when to stop." Kris ran a string of kisses down Vince's neck; hands moving down to the smaller mans waste, undoing his belt. Vince knew there was no way he was going to say stop. He didn't want it to stop. He never wanted it to stop.

--

The two men lay side by side. Kris grinned happily, rolling on to his side to take a better look at Vince. He was shocked to find the smaller man crying silently, covering his face with his hands.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I do love Howard, you know." Vince sobbed into his hands "I should never have done this. I _wish_ I'd never done this."

"Do you really love him? Or are you just feeling guilty?"

Vince lowered his hands, turning his head to meet the eyes of his temptation.

"I don't know." he admitted quietly "I guess if I really loved him I couldn't have gone through with that."

"Probably not, but I never believed you loved him in the first place. You two are too different." Vince looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "This isn't just random for me you know? I really like you Vince. I'd like to make this more permanent, but… if you choose Howard, I wont pester you. I've got a lot of respect for your decision. I have a lot of respect for Howard too. He's a good guy."

This made Vince feel sick, Kris had no right.

"Don't talk about Howard." snapped Vince "He's innocent in all of this, none of this is his fault."

"Well, he must be doing something wrong."

"No, he's not. He's good for me."

"Yeah, he is," agreed Kris "But is he right for you?"

An angry knock on the door interrupted them.

"Mr Noir." came the shrill voice from outside "You should have checked out half an hour ago."

The two men looked at each other, Kris grinned but Vince just hung his head in shame.

"We'll be two minutes" giggled Kris "We're a bit hung over. Big party last night."

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**Thank you for all your lovely reviews!**

**I'm sorry, i get the feeling this isn't the way people wanted the story to go but… I have a twisted mind and control over it's direction, lol. Please try to refrain from lynching me!! :p**

**xx**


	4. Chapter 4

Vince arrived home late that afternoon. He dumped his suitcase in the hall and mooched into the living room. The sight he was greeted with shattered every last feeling of decency he had left.

Above the fire place there was a banner covered in glitter and bright colours with the words 'I'm sorry' scrawled across it in bright purple paint. There were candles and scatter cushions dotted around the room and romantic music playing in the background. Howard had even laid out his favourite snacks on the coffee table. Vince picked up a 'flying saucer' and munched on it anxiously, taking in the romance and the love that the room was oozing. Two days ago, this gesture would have filled Vince with happiness but now it made him sick to the core. It was all too much for him to bear and he began to cry uncontrollably.

Howard strolled into the room scatting happily and taking a swig from a bottle of beer.

"Vince!?" he exclaimed. "When did you get here?"

"Just now." said Vince, rubbing his eyes.

"Why are you crying?" asked Howard horrified, rushing over to the smaller man and holding him tight, this only made Vince cry harder.

"I-it's j-just so beautiful." Vince sniffed.

"It looked better about an hour ago." laughed Howard, pushing Vince's fringe out of his eyes "I thought you'd have been back sooner."

"Oh…you know." Vince shifted uncomfortably, snuggling into Howard's safe arms.

"Fans, was it?"

"Yeah." Vince agreed, grateful for the lie "they were surrounding the hotel. We couldn't get out."

"Did it go well?"

"What?"

"The concert, obviously."

"Oh right, yeah."

"Good chemistry onstage?"

"Y-yeah" stammered Vince feeling himself becoming hot.

"I'm glad. I'm also glad you're letting me hold you like this. I thought you'd still have been angry about…you know, my accusation."

"No, no." wept Vince, unable to stop the tears "of course not."

"Come on Vince." Howard said at wits end "Stop crying. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything." Vince said, drying his eyes as best he could. "This is all really lovely but I'm feeling quiet tired. I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Sure." Howard said looking disappointed "Do you want me to bring you a cup of tea?"

"No."

"Coffee?"

"No."

"Well, would you like me to…"

"NO!" yelled Vince "STOP BEING SO NICE! I CAN'T COPE!" With that he ran to their bedroom and slammed the door.

As he hurled himself onto the bed he realised he'd fallen on a load of rose petals that had been scattered across the new red satin sheets. 'Oh for god sake.' Vince screamed internally 'Why did Howard have to be so damn romantic?'. He was racked with guilt as it was and he felt if Howard apologized one more time he'd go mental. He knew he needed to choose but he just couldn't. Howard was safe and they'd been together for years. Kris on the other hand was young, fresh, good looking, interesting and unsafe. He was exciting and Vince didn't know what he wanted more. All he knew was what he couldn't handle the guilt and the confusion.

--

Howard sat down heavily on the sofa, throwing a scatter cushion angrily across the room. He couldn't understand what was making Vince act so weird. Normally, when he came back from a gig Vince would be so hyper he'd talk Howard's ear off about it for days or at least until Howard threatened to gag him. This time, however, something was wrong. Howard knew that Vince was keeping something from him but he couldn't work out what. All he knew was that their night apart (which was supposed to have done them good) had succeeded only in making things even worse. Howard had felt sure Vince would come back bubbly and excitable and he'd tried so hard to make his return as perfect as possible. He'd even had to bribe Naboo to get hold of those rose petals and they weren't cheap (though he was sure Naboo had ripped him off).

A long while later, Howard tiptoed gently to their bedroom. Vince was sprawled out right across the bed still fully clothed. 'He wasn't lying about being tired' Howard chuckled to himself as he found a blanket in the cupboard and laid it gently over Vince's sleeping body. Not wanting to wake the smaller man, Howard took his pillow from the bed and searched for another blanket before settling down on the small sofa in the living room.

* * *

**Just thought I'd say well done to anyone who's had results today! Hope they all went well!**

**xx**


	5. Chapter 5

Around a week later Howard decided he'd had enough of Vince's incessant snappy attitude and bad moods. He'd break down into tears every time Howard tried to do anything nice and Howard was terrified that there was something really wrong.

"Vince?" Howard said gently, sitting him down on the sofa. "I need to know what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong" Vince insisted, giving him a forced smile.

"Don't lie to me Vince. You haven't been right for a few days. This random crying isn't like you. You're made of sunshine."

"mmm"

"Vince, I think maybe you should go to the doctors and have some blood tests or something."

"I'm not ill."

"You may think that but…"

"I'm _not_ ill!"

"Okay, okay." Howard sighed not wanting to upset the smaller man. "So, you know your not ill?"

Vince nodded, trying to hide the fact he was becoming tearful.

"In that case I think you know what's wrong. Just tell me. It can't be that bad."

Vince looked into Howard's deep brown eyes and swallowed hard, tears started to make their way down his cheeks.

"Howard," he whispered "I'm so sorry, I-I've done a terrible thing."

"Go on." Howard encouraged.

"b-but that's not the worst bit, the worst bit is… I think I'd do it again b-but… I know I'll regret it."

"Then don't do it." smiled Howard.

"You don't understand. It's like I can't help it or something, when I'm around him, something else just takes over. I'm not in control. It's not me, everything that's me gets left behind and none of it enters my head. I forget about the flat and the shop and… you."

"Vince." said Howard gently "I don't understand. Start from the beginning. What did you do?"

"You'll hate me."

"I could never hate you. Just tell me what you've done." Howard urged, taking Vince's hands in his own.

"Okay, but first I want you to know that I love you."

"I love y-"

"Don't say it, please" begged Vince, crying properly now "It'll make this too hard."

"Make _what_ too hard?"

"I've got to leave."

"What d'you mean?"

"We've got to break up. I can't be with you anymore."

"But you just said you loved me."

"I do," Vince sobbed "but you deserve better than me. I'm horrible. I hate myself. You need someone who's loves you."

"I thought _you_ loved me."

"I did. I do, but if I really loved you I wouldn't have been able to do what I did."

"What did you do?" asked Howard filled immediately with suspicion and confusion.

The tears rolled down Vince's cheeks, his blue eyes wide and full of regret. "I slept with Kris."

Howard fell silent, dropping Vince's hands. He stood up slowly and paced around the room running his hands through his hair, all the time staring at the floor to avoid looking at Vince.

"I'm so sorry."

"…"

"Howard?"

"…"

"Howard... say something, please… yell at me. Anything."

Howard remained silent for a while staring expressionlessly out of the window.

"I think you're right," he said quietly "you should leave"

"Howard." wept Vince. "It was only once, I swear. I…"

"I don't want to hear it." Howard replied calmly still looking out the window.

Vince nodded, sobbing loudly and went to their room to pack his bag. As he got to the door he turned back and said "I know it's a cliché but I never meant to hurt you."

Howard said nothing, he didn't even look at him. It was like Vince wasn't even there.

It took Vince a long time to pack, he was shaking violently with every sob and his eyes were so blurred with tears he couldn't see what he was doing properly. A long time later Vince emerged dragging his case behind him. His hair was straggly and unbrushed, black eyeliner staining his blotchy face, his eyes red and watery. Howard looked at this sorry mess and felt his heart break.

"I guess this is it." Vince sniffed, looking down at his feet.

"Yeah" Howard nodded, blinking back the tears that were starting to well up behind his eyes.

"Bye Howard."

"Bye Vince."

Vince dragged the case out of the front door and down the street. As Howard watched the love of his life disappear around the corner, he was unable to hold back the tears any longer. He wanted nothing more than to tell Vince to come back but he couldn't. He didn't understand how it was possible to love and hate someone so much but that's how he felt now. Love and hate colliding in a flurry of indescribable emotions. Howard sat by the window all afternoon, hoping with all his heart that Vince would come back but he didn't and as the night drew near Howard began to wonder if he'd ever see the electro poof again.

* * *

**I know the chapters have become quite short (they should get longer soon) so I am trying to update quickly but I've got hockey trials this weekend so I wont update until atleast Monday! Reviews - as always - are very welcome and thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, they've all been lov-er-ly!!**

**...xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Vince was totally distraught, he'd been crying so much that he felt physically sick. Howard's reaction was haunting him, it had been so eerily calm that it had made Vince feel even worse. He was beginning to wish Howard had screamed at him, then at least he'd have felt as though he'd have been punished a bit. But Howard hadn't been angry, he'd just been… disappointed and that hurt Vince more than anything else. Vince owed Howard everything and in return Vince had done nothing but let him down, but never before had Howard looked at him with such a lack of feeling. It wasn't hate in those brown eyes - it was nothing.

Vince had nowhere to go, if, in the past, he felt this bad he ran straight to Howard. He thought about staying with another friend but decided against it, they were too shallow and wouldn't understand. They'd probably try and take his mind off it with alcohol and sparkly things. He wandered aimlessly on the streets, until eventually he came across a small B&B a few miles outside Dalston. It was owned by an old couple that were constantly stupidly happy. Vince would have normally loved them for their bubbliness but when your miserable the worst thing other people can be is cheerful. After checking in Vince stayed in his room and avoided all people for fear of crying or worse, yelling at them.

Late that evening, there was a frantic knock at the hotel room door. Vince led on the bed staring up at the cracked ceiling. He stayed silent hoping desperately that whoever it was would go away.

"Vince." called the voice "It's me. Don't pretend you're not there, I know you are."

Vince stayed quiet.

"Come on. Open the door before I break it down."

Vince sighed heavily and walked over to the door placing his hand on the door knob.

"Vince, come on." begged the voice

Vince closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hi Kris."

"Vince!" cried Kris kissing Vince hard.

"Don't" moaned Vince pushing the startled man away from him.

"But I thought…"

"Thought what?" snapped Vince.

"I thought you'd left Howard"

"I have"

"For me. I thought we were going to be together."

"No" sighed Vince, "I mean…maybe… it's too soon."

"Sure" said Kris angrily "Too soon? Come on Vince, you've been thinking about this for ages. You know it's what you want. You were only with that old loser because you felt sorry for him."

"He's not a loser" Vince said quietly

"Oh I don't believe this, you're sticking up for him? He never trusted you Vince. He accused you of cheating on him - I would never do that."

"I _did_ cheat on him."

"But that was after, and anyway it was inevitable, he's old, fat, boring… you were bound to move on eventually. You need someone more like you Vince, you need someone more like me."

Vince looked at Kris' earnest expression and said "You might be right."

"Of course I'm right." smiled Kris taking Vince's hands in his own. "You need me Vince. Just like I need you."

Vince nodded solemnly.

"Come here." Kris pulled him into a hug and kissed him on the top of the head. "Why don't you come back to my flat, eh?"

"I don't know."

"Come on Vince. I mean we can take things slow if you want but I don't see why we should waste time if you're going to move in with me eventually anyway."

"I suppose" mumbled Vince. "Yeah, okay, I'll move in, this place's horrible anyway."

"Great." smiled Kris picking up Vince's suitcase "Oh, by the way you've got a ton of split ends, you may wanna take better care of your hair."

"Okay." Vince nodded quietly and followed Kris obediently down the corridor and into the taxi that was waiting for them outside.

* * *

**Basically I received some VERY good news this morning :D and have therefore decided to update twice as a sorta minor celebration but also to try and take my mind off my excitement - it's not working! Lol. Basically the next chapter will be updated some time today.**

**Also apparently 'bubbliness' isn't a real word! I think that is a serious issue that needs addressing. lol.**

**Thanks for reading...xx**


	7. Chapter 7

It had been just over a month since Vince had moved in with Kris and the two of them had been voted 'sexiest couple' 12 hours in a row in Cheekbone magazine, a new record, which both men were very proud of. They lived in a small but highly fashionable flat surrounded by shallow but highly fashionable people and from the outside everything seemed perfect but now and again Vince felt like he was drowning in this sea of people who were exactly like him. He was beginning to long for something that would stand out from the crowd and really make a fashion statement; some one wearing a bin bag, or an aborigine hat or perhaps just a hideous beige shirt with some equally bland corduroy trousers.  
Vince hadn't seen or heard anything from Howard since their split, it was one of Kris' rules but Vince insisted he wasn't bothered and he was happy. He _was_!

"Vince!" yelled Kris from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" replied Vince, who was sat on the sofa reading 'Dazed and Confused'.

"Come here!" Vince stood up timidly and walked to the kitchen fluffing his hair nervously.

"What is this?!" snapped Kris.

"It's a plate." answered Vince, face crinkling with confusion.

"I can see that you idiot!"

"Sorry"

"What was on this plate, before you ate it?"

"Ummmm… sandwich?" Vince lied

"Don't lie to me!"

"Sorry."

"It was chocolate cake, wasn't it?"

Vince nodded silently.

"What have I told you about chocolate cake?"

"It'll make me fat." Vince replied, looking directly at the floor.

"And yet you ate it anyway? Are you stupid?!"

Vince shook his head.

"Well obviously you are. Why else would you eat the cake?"

"It was only a small piece." Vince tried to reason as a tear rolled down his cheek, he hated being called stupid. It reminded him of being back at school again when the kids laughed at him and called him thick brainless and dunce. Well, everyone except Howard, Howard had stuck up for him, just like he'd always stuck up for him.

"You better not be crying." snarled Kris, bringing Vince quickly back from his daydream.

"No." Vince said, hurriedly wiping his eyes.

"Good. Go and get dressed, I wanna go to Top Shop."

"I am dressed."

"You can't wear that out! Put on that red all in one suit the one with the silver on it."

"But it's too small for me. It hurts my side when I wear it."

"It wouldn't be too small for you if you hadn't eaten that cake. Go and put it on."

"But…"

"Vince!" warned Kris glaring at him.

"Sorry." Vince replied barely louder than a whisper. It took him ages to pull the small suit on and even longer to zip it up. It was so tight he could hardly breathe and it dug painfully into his ribs.

"You look absolutely beautiful." smiled Kris, kissing Vince on the cheek as he reappeared in the kitchen.

"Thanks." he blushed.

"Right come on, let's go."

--

"What do you think of this?" Kris asked striding around the changing rooms in a sparkly blue and gold suit.

"Yeah," grinned Vince "It looks good on you." Though Vince had to admit he thought Kris looked good in everything.

"Yeah, I quite like it. I think I will buy it."

"How much is it?"

"€250"

"Ouch, that's expensive."

"Not really. You don't need that hat you bought, do you?"

"Well…"

"Take it back and then I'll have enough money."

"But I like that hat."

"It doesn't really suit you though." scowled Kris "Not like this suits me. You wouldn't want me to miss out on this suit, would you?"

"No, but…"

"Vince, if you let me buy this suit I'll make it up to you tonight." smiled Kris, licking his lip.

"But…"

"Vince!" snapped Kris "I want this suit. That stupid hat was a waste of our money!"

"It was my money!"

"I don't really care whose money it was, it was a waste. Take it back and get the refund so I can buy this suit."

"But…"

"Vince," said Kris, becoming suddenly tearful. "I'm beginning to think you don't love me."

"I-I do" Vince reassured him urgently.

"No, Vince if you loved me, you'd let me get this suit. It's all I ever wanted"

"I thought those boots last week were all you've ever wanted."

"No, they're ugly. I've given them to Leroy."

"But I had to give up my coat because you wanted them."

"Oh boo hoo. That coat was a fashion crime in the making."

"I liked it." Vince sulked

"Yeah, well you're losing your fashion sense. That hat is a perfect example. Come here." Kris beckoned Vince over to the floor length mirror. "Put your hat on." Vince obeyed "Now, look at yourself. You look ridiculous. Now look at me in this suit. I look fab."

"I suppose" sighed Vince. "Fine. I'll be back in five."

"Love you!" cried Kris, wrapping his arms around Vince's neck and kissing him on the cheek.

Vince walked glumly to the hat shop. He'd thought he looked quite good in the hat but Kris had impeccable taste so Vince could only assume his fashion sense _was_ diminishing. He handed the hat back to the surprised shop keeper.

"What was wrong with it?" he asked checking the hat for a rip or a stain.

"Nothing. It just doesn't suit me."

"Really?" asked the shop keeper raising an eyebrow. "It looked pretty good to me."

"yeah, well I couldn't really afford it."

"Okay" said the shopkeeper, looking sceptical and handing the money back to the Vince.

"Thanks" Vince said leaving the shop the dejectedly flicking absent-mindedly through the wad of notes.

"Vince?" came an astonished voice from behind him.

* * *

**I'm not 100 percent happy with this chapter. I've re-written it about 1,000,000 times but I still think there's something a bit off(?). But I don't know how else to change it - your input would be very much appreciated!! I'd love to hear your ideas.  
Thank youuu.**

**Sisi...xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Just to let you know this carries straight on from the last chapter.**

**D/C: Not mine - but I've got a 10 step plan on how that can all be changed (This chapter is step 5 of the plan. You have been warned :P)**

* * *

Vince spun around. There was the familiar face of Howard. Vince blinked a couple of times thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him again. He'd seen Howard's face everywhere since they'd split up but a second look would usually reveal it to a homeless man with a moustache or a business man with tiny eyes - but not this time. This time it was definitely Howard, he seemed sort of gaunt and unhappy and he was thinner than Vince remembered too but it was Howard and Vince couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face.

"Hiya." smiled Vince coyly.

"How are you?"

"You know… I'm okay."

"Yeah" Howard said awkwardly "I'm… okay too."

An awkward silence engulfed the two men as they racked their brains for something too say.

"So" Vince said after the silence had become too much for him "Ummm… You seeing anyone?"

"No, no. Nobody. No one will have me" Howard chuckled at his feeble joke. Vince smiled too.

"Ah, don't be stupid. Someone's bound to want you. You're funny, thoughtful, kind. Who wouldn't want that?"

"You." Howard replied bitterly. Vince looked directly at the floor. They fell silent again and Howard cursed himself for making things more awkward than they already were.

"Umm… how are things with Kris?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer but desperate to avoid the uncomfortable silence that had started to take hold of them again.

"Uh, yeah. They're good. I'm happy." Vince gabbled a little too quickly.

"Well, that's good." Howard lied.

"mmm…You still working at the shop?"

"Yeah. Naboo keeps me employed… I sold my first jazz record last week."

"No way!" grinned Vince excitedly "Well done."

"Thanks."

"How much did it go for?"

"Ummm… €1" Howard admitted embarrassedly

"Well, it's a start." Vince said encouragingly. "I might pop in, you know, see how you all are."

"Yeah, I'd like to see you sometimes. I mean we were best friends."

"Well, Kris didn't really want me seeing you. He thinks that I still love you."

"But you don't?"

"Uh... I uh,…um" stuttered Vince "I mean you're Howard, I'm always going to lo-"

"VINCE!" yelled Kris interrupting. Vince turned to see his boyfriend storming down the road towards them. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? 5 MINUTES YOU SAID. Oh" he said, suddenly noticing Howard "I might have known."

"We just bumped into each other." Vince explained feverishly, his voice quiet and panic stricken. Howard noticed that Vince's whole aura had changed dramatically. He suddenly looked weak and withdrawn and Howard had to fight the urge to put his arm around him. But no, that wasn't his place anymore, so he waited for Kris to do it. Kris didn't have any intention of putting his arm around Vince, he was too busy yelling at him.

"You expect me to believe that, do you?!"

"It's true" Vince whimpered

"Well, we all know that you have no problem cheating on people." Kris sneered "Don't we Howard?" he turned to the taller man a smug expression playing across his face. Vince's stomach twisted sickeningly as he saw Howard's face crack with sorrow.

"Yes, well…" Howard trailed off.

"I don't think you'd cheat on me though." smirked Kris returning his attention to Vince "Not with this ugly old thing anyway." he laughed cruelly, waving his arm in Howard's direction.

"He's not that ugly." Vince whispered.

"Ha! You are joking, aren't you?" Kris scorned. "Anyway, where's my money?"

"Here." Vince said holding up the notes. Kris snatched it and counted it quickly.

"Excellent. I can buy the suit now."

"Is that why you returned that hat?" Howard asked Vince.

"Yeah." replied Vince, who ever since Kris had arrived, had found something very interesting on the floor to study. "Kris wants this suit but it was expensive so, you know…"

"The hat had to go. It was ugly, made him look ridiculous."

"I doubt that." Howard retorted angrily before he could stop himself, "Vince looks good in all hats." he was so used to sticking up for Vince it just happened naturally Howard tried to convince himself but Kris was nearer to the truth when he sniggered.

"You still love him… after what he did to you. Oh, how pathetic!"

Howard blushed which would have cheered Vince up had he not been too busy examining his boots to notice.

"Well, he's with me now" continued Kris "and _I__'__ve_ got to buy a suit. Come on Vince."

"Right, yeah" Vince sighed "I'll see you soon Howard."

"No he wont." smirked Kris and then seeing Howard's miserable expression he grabbed Vince and kissed him hard. Vince felt uncomfortable but he didn't stop it. He kept having to remind himself that however he felt about Howard, the taller man would never take him back now and who could blame him? And he _did _like Kris. So Vince relaxed into the kiss, after all, it wasn't as though the kiss wasn't very enjoyable. When they finally broke apart Howard was gone.

* * *

**If you want to review, well I wont complain. In fact I'd probably smile - go on review (make my day :P) you know you want to.  
****Okay that's the end of my begging.  
Thanks for reading (and reviewing(?))! :D  
Sisi...xx**


	9. Chapter 9

A couple of days later Kris had to go for a band meeting in town. He was parading around the flat in a pair of skinny jeans, a bright orange t-shirt and a long cape.

"What do you recon, do I look alright?"

"Yeah," smiled Vince, looking up from Cheekbone magazine. "you look great. But I thought you'd have been wearing that blue suit you bought from Top Shop."

"What, that old thing? I sold it."

"I thought you loved it."

"I did, whilst it was fashionable, but now it's old. This is the new look."

"Right." Vince sighed.

"So, what you doing with yourself this afternoon?"

"I was thinking of going for a walk."

"Sort your hair out then."

"What's wrong with my hair?!" asked Vince a little indignant.

"It's a bit scruffy. Anyway, " said Kris leaning over to kiss Vince, "I'll See you later."

"Yeah, good luck." smiled Vince watching Kris leave carefully.

As soon as the front door slammed shut Vince jumped into action. He pulled on his boots, grabbed his coat and rang for a taxi, which seemed to take forever to arrive. Less than ten minutes later he was stood outside the Nabootique nervously debating whether or not to go in.

'Go on' one side of his brain said 'you came all this way, just go in and say hi'

'No. Don't go in!' the other side argued 'Howard wont wanna see you, he ran off for a reason.'

Vince had just decided to leave when the side door swung open and out walked Bollo.

"Vince!" cried Bollo in disbelief, dropping the bag of rubbish he was holding and throwing his big monkey arms around Vince's neck. "You too thin like breadstick." he growled "Not eat enough sweets in new flat."

"I don't eat any sweets."

"What?" asked Bollo in complete shock. "Why?"

"Kris says they'll make me fat."

"Kris' a fool." Bollo growled "You perfect for Howard."

"Well," Vince gave Bollo a watery smile "even things that seem a perfect match aren't always. Take folk music and glam rock for example." Vince said remembering the disastrous occasion he and Leroy had tried to take Glam folk to the people of London.

"hmmm, but don't look as happy as you were when with Howard."

"Yeah, but I wrecked it, didn't I?"

"you make mistake. Everyone make mistake - what rubbers made for."

"Yeah, but I hurt Howard. I couldn't do that again."

"But Howard hurt more because not with you."

"It's more complicated than that Bollo." groaned Vince

"No, you love Howard. Howard love you. Kris idiot. Not complicated at all."

Vince chuckled at Bollo's simple explanation.

"Yeah." he smiled "but Howard wouldn't have me back."

"He will eventually." insisted Bollo "why waste life without person you love?"

Vince had no answer to that so he just stared at the ground. "Anyway," Bollo contnued "go in. Howard trying to sell jazz record - idiot." Vince laughed and looked through the window to see Howard was in a jazz trance scatting in the corner of the shop. Suddenly he was overcome with nerves and thought about making a run for it. Bollo wasn't having any of it "Go." he said pushed Vince through the door.

Vince just stood for a moment as he took in the smell and the feel of the shop. He missed it. It was set out a little differently now, the jazz records had taken pride of place by the door (where Howard had always insisted they should have been) and there was no electro stuff at all. Vince browsed through the jazz records for a moment and picked up the cheapest looking one and strolled up to the counter. Howard was still completely oblivious.

Maybe it was being back in the shop but for a second Vince forgot everything that had gone on recently, and strolled up to Howard and called "Oi small eyes." giving the taller man a sharp slap to bring him back from the world of jazz.

"Ow! Bollo what have I told you about not disturbing me whe- Vince?" Howard said failing to stop the grin spreading across his face. "What are you doing here?"

"Buying this." Vince brandished the record.

"Jazz?! Why?"

"Well, I'd like to be your second sale."

"Right, well… that'll be €80."

"Woah. Really?" exclaimed Vince "That's a bit steep."

"D'you want it, or not?" asked Howard with mock anger.

"Well, it's a present for a frie- someone that I know who likes Jazz. I want to get him a record he likes. D'you think he'd like this one?" Vince smiled gazing into Howard's eyes.

"I think he'd love that one." grinned Howard ringing up the record and holding it out to Vince.

"Oh, you keep it." smiled Vince.

"Thanks." blushed Howard pausing awkwardly. "Ummm, You look good by the way."

"You think?"

"Yeah."

"Kris didn't seem to think so. Recons my hair's a mess."

"Oh…" Howard trailed off and then blushing furiously he said "I've sorta got you a present too."

"You have?" Vince asked excitedly "I do like presents."

"I know." smiled Howard putting a package wrapped in brown paper on the counter. "Here."

"Wow, thanks." Vince took the package eyes wide with excitement shook it slightly and asked. "What is it?"

"Open it idiot." Howard laughed fondly.

"Oh right yeah." Vince ripped the paper off and there it was - the very hat Kris had made him return. "Oh wow." breathed Vince "this is the best present ever!" and before he knew it he'd thrown his arms around Howard's neck.

Suddenly realising what he'd done, Vince hurriedly stepped away.

"Sorry." he blushed

"No, don't be silly. I'm glad you like it."

"I love it!"

"I bought it the other day when I saw you. I went in to get it while you and Kris were-" he cleared his throat uncomfortably "you know, but when I came out of the shop you were gone."

"Oh," said Vince quietly "I thought you'd run off."

"Hmmm. Try it on then." Howard said, suddenly finding this conversation a little embarrassing.

"Oh, okay. How do I look?"

"Beautiful. Uh, I mean… it suits you."

"Thanks." Vince giggled.

"You want a cup of tea or something?"

"Yeah. Thank you. Milk…"

"Three sugars." laughed Howard "I remember. I'll be back in two. Look after the shop will you?"

"Sure."

Vince moved around to the other side of the counter. Just standing there reminded him of all the wonderful times he'd spent there and at the zoo. All the good times, all the good memories he and Howard had. All the things he'd thrown away in a moment of thoughtless passion. A moment of thoughtless passion that had turned into a loveless and uncomfortable relationship where Vince was desperately unhappy. It had taken seeing Howard again to make him realise that. Until a few days ago he'd been fine, blissfully unaware of how miserable he was but now it haunted him every minute of the day.

Howard returned with the tea and set it down on the counter.

"There you are."

"Cheers."

"So, how are things between you and Kris?"

"Fine." sighed Vince, wishing they could talk about something else.

"You sure?" probed Howard

"mmm."

"Look, I don't mean to intrude but… he doesn't you know… hit you, does he?"

"God no!" gasped Vince

"Okay" Howard breathing a sigh of relief "but he does control you."

"What d'you mean?" Vince asked confused.

"Well, that hat, for example. He made you take it back."

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And I was talking to Bollo while making the tea, he said Kris doesn't let you eat sweets."

"Well, no. But that's coz I'll get fat." Vince explained quickly.

"Vince you are about as fat as a twig. Anyway you look a bit thin."

"Kris likes me like this."

"Well, I don't" frowned Howard "I'm concerned about you Vince."

"Well you don't need to be concerned about me anymore Howard!" snapped Vince angrily "I'm fine!"

"Okay, okay" Howard said looking a little shocked at Vince's outburst but seeing Vince looked equally shocked Howard continued, as soothingly as he could manage, "but you would tell me if there was something wrong though, wouldn't you?"

"There's nothing wrong!" Vince reassured him a little louder than needed.

"Fine, but you'd tell me if there was?" pressed Howard gently.

"Yes" sighed Vince, hoping Howard would shut up if he agreed.

"Honest?"

"Honest, Kris doesn't hurt me. We're fine I promise. So…" Vince said in a desperate attempt to divert the subject away from him and Kris "I know you said you haven't been with anyone else but is there perhaps someone you're interested in?"

"No."

"No jazz loving girl with a passion for stationary?"

"No"

"Jazz loving _guy_ with a passion for stationary?"

"No" Howard sighed becoming irritable.

"Passion for bookmarks? Cream poets?… Jazzersize?" Vince laughed doing his best impression of a saxophone player.

"No!" yelled Howard. Vince jumped looking a little hurt and Howard immediately felt bad. "Sorry," he sighed

"S'ok." Vince smiled. Paused and said brightly. "Not jazzersize then?"

"No Vince." Howard said exasperated, feeling his emotions getting the better of him "No, there's been no one because quiet frankly Vince no one compares to you." _'Oh god what are you saying? Stop talking!'_ his brain seemed to be screaming, but his mouth ignored the advise and carried on "No matter what you did, no matter what I do. No one even comes close. They're all drowned out by the shadow of your love."

"Oh Howard." breathed Vince reaching up to touch Howard's face.

"Don't." Howard snapped, slapping the hand away harshly.

"But… I feel the same."

"What about Kris?"

"I know," Vince said quietly "But I don't love him not in the way I love you. I was stupid to ever go with him."

"Yeah you were." Howard scorned "But it doesn't change anything. You're still with him now."

"I don't have to be." Vince said softly.

"And I don't think you should be, everything about you changes when you're with him and it's not good." Vince's eyes filled with tears. "You need someone who'll take care of you properly."

"I need you." Vince cried.

"Sorry," Howard said turning away from those pleading blue eyes. "I need someone I can trust."

"You can trust me. I promise you can."

"How can you say that? You cheated on me. And now you're with a shallow, flighty moron."

"But that's all I am. A shallow, flighty moron."

"No, Vince. You're so much more. Anyone can see that?"

"No they can't!" Vince's voice strained from trying not to cry. "It's only you. I love you. I'd never hurt you again."

"You're telling me you love me while you're boyfriend's at home waiting for you."

"Yeah but…"

"I can't play these games, Vince."

"There is no game." Vince blinked back his tears "I'm crazy about you Howard. Without you I'm nothing, I'm nowhere. Without you I can't stop all this hurt that's in here." Vince thumbed his chest, then sighed heavily "I don't wanna fight with you ever again. I don't even know why we're fighting. We love each other and yet you're not letting us be together because you're stubborn."

"I can't bear to have my heart broken again." Howard explained his own tears starting to get the better of him.

"So this isn't heart breaking for you?"

"It is… but, I'll get over it eventually. I'll have to. But I don't think I'd ever get over it if you broke my heart again."

"I'm sorry Howard." Vince cried "How many times can I say it? I was stupid. I was an idiot. I hate myself for ruining us."

"Don't say that."

"Do you know what Bollo said earlier?"

"What?"

"He asked me why anyone would waste their life without the person they love? Well, he if he wants the answer he should ask you because I sure as hell don't know." With that Vince stormed out of the shop in floods of tears.

"Vince! Vince wait!" Vince span round to see Howard running towards him.

"Yeah?" he said wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"You forgot your hat." Howard said coldly, handing it to him.

"Right, yeah. Thanks Howard."

"No problem."

"See ya."

"Yeah, bye."

Both set off down the street in opposite directions dragging their feet and hanging there heads. Howard cursed himself for telling Vince he still liked him and being so stubborn. Vince cursed himself for everything he'd done since that gig just over a month ago. And they both cursed themselves for stupidly ever falling in love.

* * *

**I'd love to have something interesting to say now but I don't so:  
Thanks for reading!!  
I'd love for you to review but i'm not going to beg you with chocolate (just know, some may appear if you do review - s'all i'm saying!)**

**Sisi...xx**


	10. Chapter 10

****

This carries straight on from the previous chapter (and now, looking back, I'm not sure why I split the chapter there :s)

* * *

Howard shut the shop door behind him and turned around to see Naboo arms crossed tapping his foot angrily.

"What?" asked Howard irritably

"Oh, I know you're thick but this is unbelievable."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you love Vince?"

"Yes" Howard replied quietly.

"Does Vince love you?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose. I mean he says he does."

"So why are you here and he there?"

"Because we can't be together, not right now."

"So you're waiting for a time when you can be together?"

"I suppose."

"And how long is that going to be? 2weeks, 6months, a year, _ten_ years?"

"I don't know."

"No, and do you know what, it wont matter, because how ever long it is it's time you wont get back and when, god forbid, one of you passes on you'll regret not having that time, however short or long it may be."

"I can't risk my heart again."

"Fine." said Naboo "But answer me this, think of all the good times you had with Vince. Are you saying that wasn't worth a broken heart?"

"Well, I guess I'd do it all again if I had the choice but I don't always want to be worrying that he's cheating on me."

"Howard" Naboo said solemnly "Vince may be a bit slow sometimes and God knows he makes mistakes but he always learns his lessons. I've seen how upset he is, how much he wants you back. He wont risk that again. And he does love you."

"He said he loved me before." reasoned Howard.

"Hmm" agreed Naboo "but I think it's different now. I don't know for sure, but, before all this happened, I think he _thought_ he loved you, but he was always with you so it was almost as though he took that feeling for granted. He could never have known how lost he'd be without it. Now that he's been with someone else he's got something to compare your love to. Now he _knows_ he loves you. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think so." nodded Howard.

"Look, I know it probably doesn't feel like it but him going off with Kris could be a good thing for you two."

"Shut up Naboo." Howard snapped angrily "How could that be a good thing?"

"Well Howard, if you stop being stubborn. You could have Vince back and not only that he'd love you more than he did before."

"I suppose."

"Life is short don't waste a second of it."

"Hey, they say life is short but it's the longest thing you'll ever do."

"Not the time for jokes Howard." Naboo scorned "Especially not ones as poor as that."

"Sorry." Howard said hanging his head like a naughty school boy.

"Just, don't waste anymore time." Naboo almost pleaded "The balls in your court now Howard do something with it."

Howard nodded thoughtfully then announcing he was tired he went to his room. He didn't sleep a wink. He just led on his bed staring up at the ceiling replaying the day's events over and over in his head, wondering what his next move should be.

--

The door clicked shut.

"Vince. That had better be you!" Kris snarled from the living room.

"Of course it's me," sobbed Vince angrily "It's not like burglars have keys."

"I'm not in the mood for joking." Kris continued appearing in the corridor in front of Vince.

"You're never in the mood for joking." Vince retorted barely louder than a whisper.

"Rubbish, I'm a fun kind of guy. Where the hell have you been? And what have you done to yourself?"

Kris asked looking at the dishevelled hair, the red watery eyes, the blotchy cheeks and the pale face.

"I've been for a walk."

"To where? A funeral?"

"No, I bumped into Howard."

"That oaf? I might have known!" Kris seethed "What have I told you about not seeing him?"

"I know, but I just wanted to see if I could save our friendship."

"and…"

"He didn't want to know."

"So now you're snivelling like a pathetic little girl." Vince looked at the floor wringing his hands nervously. "What's in that bag?" Kris continued suspiciously.

"Ummm…hat."

"You bought a hat without me? I bet it's hideous." Kris said snatching the bag from Vince's clutches "Oh no." he smirked "Not _this_ hat! You're such an idiot. I told you it didn't suit you."

"I know, b-but I liked it." Vince sobbed.

"Shhhhhh." Kris said, hugging Vince with one arm whilst twisted the hat around in the other to better inspect it. "Yup, definitely not you. I tell you what, I'll help you out with this hat, why don't you make us a cup of tea?"

Vince nodded then he said "Could I keep the hat though it was pres-" Vince stopped. Kris wouldn't be happy if he told him who the hat was from.

"It was a… what?" pressed Kris threateningly.

"Nothing." Vince said quietly shaking his head.

"So, why you shifting about all suspiciously? Where did you get it Vince? Don't even think about lying to me." Kris was very close to Vince now. He could feel his breath on his cheek. Vince shook violently and whispered.

"It was a present, f-from Howard."

"What!?" Kris shrieked "What business has he got buying you presents?"

"We used to be best friends." shrugged Vince his voice choked with sobs.

"Well, he's got no fashion sense at all! Now I _know_ this hat is ugly. Don't worry Vince, I'll get rid of it for you."

"But I want to keep it."

"Vince, you can't wear this!"

"B-but…" Vince could hear the desperation in his own voice as Kris cut through him.

"Shhhhhh," he smiled going into the kitchen and picking up a pair of scissors.

"you can thank me later."

"What are you doing?" Vince asked horrified.

"Helping you." and with that Kris took the hat and carefully shredded it to pieces.

Vince watched on helplessly. He was crying so much that he felt sick to his stomach, he didn't want this life anymore. He couldn't cope anymore. This wasn't love. It was a sick and twisted game and Vince couldn't play by these rules. Kris threw the hat to Vince and said cheerfully.

"You haven't asked me how the meeting went."

Vince blinked in confusion as he looked down at the destroyed hat in his hands and then at Kris' beaming face. He simply could understand what was happening.

"Ask me then." grinned Kris.

"How did it go?" Vince sighed, he didn't know what to do so he just carried on with the happy couple charade that Kris was so good at.

"We got the contract!" cried Kris grabbing Vince by the shoulders and swinging him around. "Isn't that brilliant?"

"Excellent." Vince smiled weekly.

"You could look happier."

"Sorry." Vince said forcing a grin.

"That's better. Only thing is we've had to get rid of the front man."

"But I'm the front man." Vince squeaked

"Yeah, not anymore. Sorry. But it's okay because we're signed. Let's celebrate!" he said indicating a bottle of champagne. That was the last straw. Something inside Vince snapped. Every bit of pent up anger just exploded at once.

"NO KRIS, IT'S NOT OKAY! NOTHING IS OKAY. I'VE JUST HAD THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE AND YOU WANT ME TO CELEBRATE! IT'S SO…" Vince searched for the word that best described the situation but all he could come up with was "WRONG!" he panted heavily getting his breath back, he dared not look at Kris, he knew he'd be furious. "You don't care about me at all." Vince finished quietly.

"How dare you say that?!" Kris screamed back "I love you! I look after you, I…"

"Kick me out of the band. Destroy my hat."

"Are you still going on about that damn hat?!"

"It was a present from Howard. He bought it because he cares about me and it wasn't cheap, you had no right to destroy it!" Vince screeched back angry tears working their way down his cheeks.

"Oh give it up." Kris snarled "Howard doesn't care about you, not anymore He used to love you, sure, but you wrecked it all. You saw sense you slept with me you moron."

"Shut up!" cried Vince.

"You had it all and you threw it away."

"Stop it, please" begged Vince.

"But you're lucky," Kris said calmly "because I love you and I took you in and I'll always be there for you."

"I don't want you to be there for me." gulped Vince. "I don't want this anymore."

"What are you suggesting Vince?"

"I'm leaving you. You're no good for me and I'm no good for you."

"But I love you." Kris snarled viciously.

"No you don't." sighed Vince "and even if you do… I don't love you."

Before he knew what had happened Vince found himself splayed out on the floor with a burning sensation in his left cheek. He couldn't open his eye. He could taste the blood in his mouth. His head hurt. His knees hurt. His hands hurt from where he'd hit the floor. His heart hurt from where it was breaking over and over again. He led completely still for a moment wondering how he'd ever let things get this bad.

"I'm so sorry." gasped Kris from near Vince's head. "I… I d-didn't mean to, I-it was an accident. I-I swear."

Vince looked up, his eyes wide with confusion, to see Kris bent down next to him, his face pale and remorseful.

"I know." Vince said gruffly, wincing as he stood up clutching at his stinging face with one hand and the broken hat in the other.

"Why don't you go and lie down?" Kris suggested "I'll look after you." he insisted. "Bring you some frozen peas or something."

Vince wanted to run away, but his legs couldn't move. He wanted to tell Kris where to stick the frozen peas but he was terrified that Kris would do more than just punch him. He wanted to run to Howard but he was scared that Kris would stop him or worse Howard would reject him. So instead he sighed heavily and said

"Yeah.Thanks."

Vince staggered painfully to his bedroom. His whole body hurt, he was exhausted and he'd have liked nothing more that to just disappear. As he flopped on to the bed it was as though someone had released a dam and the tears flowed down his cheeks. He threw a pillow across the room and clawed at the duvet in mixture or anger and frustration . He tried to scream but he became choked by his own tears. He cried and cried until he began to retch painfully.

Kris never arrived with those frozen peas. Vince could hear him next door on the phone telling someone that they'd got the contract. Vince led listening to this wondering how had he managed to mess his life up so spectacularly? He'd had it all, everything he'd ever wanted and now he had nothing. He looked down at the broken hat in his hands. The only thing he had that reminded him of Howard and even that was broken. He held the hat close to his chest and eventually cried himself to sleep, waking up every time the mattress touched his sore face. The pain serving as a constant reminder of how miserable he was.

* * *

**SORRY! - That's all I have to say! :(**

**Sisi…xx**


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning, Vince woke up early and found he was unable to open his left eye. It took him a few moments to remember exactly what had happened the night before but it soon came flooding back to him and he shuddered at the thought of seeing Kris. He got up and staggered clumsily to the bathroom to wash his face. He splashed the cold water on his cheeks, looked up and caught sight of himself in the mirror. He'd always loved looking in the mirror but now what he saw made him feel sick. The left side of his face was red. His eye was bruised and swollen, his lip was cut and it hurt to move his face. He wanted to cry but he was all out of tears, so instead he brushed and straightened his hair and pulled on his favourite pair of jeans in a feeble attempt to cheer himself up.

Vince went in the kitchen to find Kris frying pancakes.

"Morning." he smiled weakly.

"Hey." said Kris, shuddering a little when he saw Vince's face."Look, I've made you these, I know you love pancakes."

"I'm not really hungry."

"No, right. Course not." Kris looked around awkwardly at the clock and said "I actually really need to get going. We've got a rehearsal this morning."

"Right." nodded Vince sitting down heavily on a chair.

"I mean, I _can_ stay if you want, but I really _should_ go you know"

"It's fine. You go."

"Thanks." Kris smiled looking relieved "I've got you a job interview for today." he added cheerfully.

"Why?" Vince frowned. Kris never did anything nice for him.

"Well, I've had to give up my job in the 'Record Store' to pursue my music career. You've got to get a job or we're going to be broke."

"Right." sighed Vince. "Course. What's the interview for?"

"I don't know it's some corner shop, or a groceries or something I think. Just make sure you get yourself to the pub at 1pm for the interview okay?"

"Yeah." Vince sighed again.

"Don't be nervous. You'll be fine. Now, I've got to go. I'll see you when I get home." Kris reached up a hand to stroke Vince's hair. Vince flinched violently.

"Right." whispered Kris lowering his hand. Vince opened his big blue eyes which were full of fear. Kris swallowed hard and gave Vince a weak smile. "Bye."

--

At one o'clock Vince strode into an empty pub wearing a big hat and dipping his head to hide his face as much as possible.

"Excuse me." said Vince to the barmaid "I'm supposed to be meeting someone for a job interview."

"Okay love." she said "sit yourself over by the fireplace and I'll send them over when they get here."

"Thank you."

"Drink?"

"Just a mineral water please."

"Coming up"

Vince sat down at the table and watched the flames dancing happily. He'd always been slightly fascinated by fire, ever since he was a little boy. On his first birthday he'd grabbed the candle and burnt his hand. He'd also grabbed the candle on his second birthday and his third and forth and just last year Howard had had to grab his hand before his fingers brushed the flame. Vince thought there was something magical and terrifying about fire and the more Vince thought about it, fire was a lot like love; Beautiful to watch from a distance but when you get too close someone gets burned and yet Vince couldn't resist getting too close, to either.

A tall man entered the pub and walked quickly up to the bar.

"Hello, I'm looking for someone who's…"

"Interview?" she smiled

"How did you know?"

"There's only one other person here." she laughed

"Oh."

"He's over by the fireplace."

"Thanks."

"Would you like a drink?"

"I don't suppose you sell tea do you?"

"I could make you up a brew if you want, I'll bring it over when it's ready."

"Thanks."

The man sat down opposite Vince and crossed his legs.

"Hello. Are you here for the interview?" Vince knew that voice, that unmistakable northern lilt. It was Howard's voice. He was flooded with joy followed immediately by terror. He couldn't let Howard see his face. He dropped his head to best hide his bruise and put on a Scottish accent.

"Aye, I'm here for a job laddy."

"Vince!?" Howard exclaimed.

"How the hell did you know that?" Vince asked indignantly

"I know you too well to be fooled by a stupid voice."

"I thought it was quite good." Vince said, still trying to hide his face.

"So how come you're here?"

"Kris has quit his job ,so you know, we've got no income and I've been kicked out of the band."

"I thought it was yours and Kris' band."

"It was, now it's just Kris'"

"Right."

"So…" Vince began "How come your doing the interview, where's Naboo?"

"He told me that he had some important stuff to take care of and…" Howard trailed off thoughtfully "He's set me up so I'd meet you, hasn't he?"

Vince grinned "Maybe."

"Nice hat, by the way." laughed Howard "I've got to say I'm surprised you're not wearing the one I bought you."

"I can't" Vince said choking up.

"Why not?"

"It… broke."

"Broke?! How?"

"Just broke." Vince said quietly.

"Vince, I know you, your clothes are your pride and joy they don't just break."

"This one did." Vince insisted.

"Okay." sighed Howard letting it drop. "so, do you want the job?"

"Would you want to work with me?"

"Yeah. I guess. You should see the other idiots I've had to work with. One kept trapping his finger in the till. One kept getting trapped in a cabinet. One kept knocking stuff over. One released Nanatoo, again. One…"

"So I'm the best of a bad bunch?"

"Don't be silly, I miss working with you."

"I miss working with you too."

"You know I'd like to be able to see you properly. Why are you hiding your face?"

"This hat's fashionable."

"Take it off."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?" asked Howard filled with suspicion.

"Hat hair" lied Vince

"I don't care about hat hair" chuckled Howard. "Take the hat off, please." There was a weird desperation in his voice which Vince was unable to deny. He reached up and removed the hat to reveal his bruised face.

"Oh my god." Howard gasped. "How did that happen?"

"I-I ummm walked into a… door."

"Really?" asked Howard sceptically. Vince nodded silently. "What I said," continued Howard "about knowing you too well to be fooled by stupid voices, that goes for lies too. Was it Kris?" Vince said nothing, he just twiddled his thumbs and looked at the floor, his blue eyes glazing over. "Vince. Was it Kris?" Howard pressed.

"Yes," he said. "but it was an accident." he added quickly.

"So he didn't hit you? He just, what? Span round and caught your face with his hand?"

"Well, no."

"Vince, did he hit you?"

Vince nodded slightly, a single tear falling onto the table below him.

"That's it." Howard almost shouted standing up "you're not living there anymore! We'll go and get your stuff, he can't treat you like that."

"I haven't got anywhere to go."

"You can come and stay with me again." Howard offered.

"That wont be too weird?"

"I don't care how weird it is, I'm not letting you stay with him anymore." Howard said pulling the smaller man to his feet and marching him to Kris' flat.

* * *

**Okay, I'm going away for a week. I'll be back next Monday (pos. Sunday). So I'll update when I get backk!!**

**Thanks for Reading!! (Review if you want!!)**

**Sisi…xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm baaaaaaaaaack!! Lol. Sorry, it's been a long wait. Hope this makes up for it…**

* * *

Howard was just packing the last of Vince's stuff into a box when the door to the flat crashed open. Vince, who was perched shakily on the bed, jumped up and darted behind Howard.

"Vince," called Kris "I'm home, where are you?"

Vince looked up nervously at Howard who mouthed 'tell him where you are'.

"I-I'm in the bedroom." Vince called back nervously.

"Sounds good to me." came Kris cheerful reply "How did the interview go?" he asked as he opened the bedroom door.

"Better than he expected." Howard said angrily.

"Oh, hello Howard." Kris' eyes flicking from one man to the other "I suppose this is what they call Karma is it? He cheats on you with me, he cheats on me with you."

"I wouldn't sleep with him when he's with you." Howard said steadily "I couldn't do that to you… even if I do hate you!"

"Yeah, I haven't cheated on you." Vince said peering over Howard shoulder. "But I am leaving you."

"You're making a big mistake Vince." Kris snarled glaring at him. Vince squeaked and grabbed Howard's hand tight.

"The only mistake he made was you." Howard scowled

"No, his whole life has been a mistake." Kris looked at Vince "I was foolish to ever take you in, Vince. I thought you were cool and fashionable but you're not, your weak and pathetic. You need me more than I need you."

"He doesn't need _you_ at all!" Howard shouted "You have no idea what you're giving up do you? Vince is the kindest, funniest, most beautiful guy I've ever met, he's way too good for you and look what you've done to him. He's lost all his confidence and then on top of that you hit him."

"No." Kris lied "he fell over and banged his face on a… table."

"He lied too." Howard said "But he said he walked into a door."

"Oh."

"So, what happened Kris?"

"It doesn't matter, does it? Vince isn't going anywhere. He's too stupid to know what he wants."

"He's not stupid" Howard retorted angrily.

"And I am going." Vince said firmly, coming out from behind Howard.

"No you're not" threatened Kris.

"I'm too good for you." Vince said with renewed confidence. "I deserve better. Howard's reminded me how happy I was before you were in my life."

"And you naively think you and he are going to get back together?"

"I don't know. All I know is that being with no one is better than being with you."

"I've given you so much in these last months."

"Yeah, like that lovely black eye you've got Vince." mocked Howard.

"Shut it you." spat Kris "this is between me and Vince."

"If Vince is involved, I'm involved." Vince swelled with pride and happiness as Howard stuck up for him in the way he used to.

"Get out of my way Kris." Vince snarled "I'd like to leave your life now."

Suddenly, Kris lost it. Vince saw the same look in his eye as he'd seen the night before, an uncontrolled anger. Kris raised his hand and Vince closed his eyes tight preparing for the impact.

**SMACK**

Vince didn't feel a thing. He'd heard the sound of a fist connecting with flesh but he wasn't hurt at all. He opened his eyes and saw Kris staggering backwards against a wall blood dripping from his nose. Howard stood next to him growling some warning in his ear something along the lines of 'if I see you again it'll be a lot worse'.

Then, unusually forceful, Howard picked up the final box, grabbed Vince's hand and dragged him out of the flat.

--

Vince sat perched on the edge of the sofa clutching a cup of tea. Howard settled in the armchair opposite blowing on his own mug, silently contemplating the increasing complexity of their situation. Naboo and Bollo had welcomed Vince back with open arms and Naboo had called it a 'pleasant surprise'. The conversation had soon come round to Vince's black eye but, as Vince had requested, Howard had said that he'd hit it on a coffee table when he fell over. Naboo wasn't convinced but, deciding to drop it, he offered to unpack Vince's stuff while Howard made them all a brew. Howard now ran a finger idly round the rim of his mug wondering what to say. From the outside it would seem everything was back to normal but things were still uncomfortable.

"I'm amazed you hit him." Vince announced suddenly. Howard looked up, Vince hadn't moved and Howard wasn't sure he hadn't dreamt it until Vince spoke again. "It was the coolest thing I've ever seen. No. Not cool. Sweet. It was the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

Howard felt himself blushing violently but Vince didn't notice, he was staring blankly at the floor. "I'm so glad you were there. I might never have left without you. I wasn't brave enough. I didn't even stop him when he cut up that hat you bought me." Howard felt a twinge of anger when he heard that, but he kept quiet. "I mean I knew things were bad and I suppose I was a bit scared of him but I never thought he'd hit me. He just didn't seem the type, he said he loved me and I believed him. He was right though, who wants a shallow, ugly, fat, unfashionable, stupid electro poof?"

'Me' Howard thought but he said "Don't talk like that Vince. You've had a bad time, I know, but your safe now. You never have to see Kris again if you don't want to. I'll look after you."

"You will?" Vince asked hopefully looking up and catching Howard's eyes.

"yeah, me, Naboo, Bollo."

"Oh" Vince sighed disappointedly, taking a sip of his tea. But, feeling brave, he pressed on with the conversation he wanted to have "I like it when you look after me Howard, you make me feel safe. Like today, when Kris was there yelling. It didn't seem so bad because you were there too." Howard failed to stop the smile spreading across his face. "It was like you were my knight in shining armour. All… what's a word for good and knight-ish?"

"chivalrous?"

"Yeah, chivalrous. You were all chivalrous. I liked it. I miss it. I miss feeling safe and loved and respected. I miss that warm feeling I get when you hold me. I think that's what I miss most - cuddles."

Howard didn't know what to say, he missed it all too. He remembered all the things Naboo had said about wasted time but he was still worried about is broken heart. He could feel Vince looking at him, waiting for him to respond but not for the first time words failed him.

After a while Vince spoke up again.

"Do you miss anything about us?" he pressed. Howard still didn't say anything. Naboo bustled into the room.

"Finished with those mugs?" he asked "I'm washing up."

"Yeah, here Naboo, I don't really want this." Vince said handing over the half full mug.

"Howard, you finished?"

"Yeah." Naboo strolled over picked up the mug and hissed in Howard's ear

"What the hell do you think you're doing? He's laying his heart on the line for you. What more proof do you need that he loves you? You're breaking his heart and if you carry on you'll lose him forever." without waiting for a response Naboo left again shutting the door. Silence fell.

Howard felt as though he was stood by a cold pool, he could either take a deep breath and take the plunge or he could run away and leave behind what he was most scared of but also what he most wanted and he had to choose - he had to choose now.

* * *

****

Review if you feel like it! Next chapter probably be up tomorrow.  
Sisi...xx


	13. Chapter 13

"You know," Howard said slowly but steadily "I don't miss anything about us. Not _one_ specific thing anyway."

"Right." sniffed Vince

"I miss it all." Howard continued "I miss the cuddles, I miss the banter, I miss saying I love you."

"You could say it now." Vince suggested blushing "I'd say it back."

"Vince, you know I love you. You know I've always loved you."

"I'd still like to hear you say it… you know… without so much hurt in your eyes. And I've always loved you too I just didn't realise it." he sighed "I'm so stupid. "

"You're not stupid." Howard reassured him. "And I know you love me but this isn't a question of love. Love is unconditional. This is a question of trust."

"How can I prove to you that you can trust me? I'll do anything, just tell me."

"How about…" Howard said taking a deep breath "How about we get back together and you never cheat on me again?"

"I can manage that." grinned Vince, gazing up into Howard's face. Then, before Howard had time to do anything, Vince had jumped up and rushed over to him throwing his arms around the bigger mans neck. "Thank you" Vince whispered in his ear.

Howard pulled Vince on to his lap and the smaller man played with Howard's hair, gently twirling it in his fingers and then running his hand down his face to cup his cheek. Howard's insides burnt with desire and love, a feeling he hadn't felt for a very long time. Vince was filled with love and for the first time when he thought of Howard he was filled with that passionate and untameable lust too. Howard could see this in Vince's eyes as the smaller man was moved closer. Howard could feel Vince's warm breath brushing against his cheek, noses barely touching. Unable to wait any longer Howard pressed his lips against Vince's. Fireworks went off in both their heads, fireworks that had been dormant for so long. The explosion made more intense by the anticipation and the wait. Howard realised in that moment that this was the right decision, nothing that felt this right could possibly be wrong and he cursed himself for almost giving it up. Howard felt Vince tugging lightly at his shirt, filled with passion Howard grabbed Vince's face with both hands and was surprised to hear Vince scream with pain.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." gasped Howard, watching Vince pacing around the room clutching at his bruised face. Vince suddenly stopped and looked at Howard's remorseful face and started to laugh like he hadn't laughed for months.

"What are we like, eh?" he giggled "We can't do anything right."

Howard grinned patting his lap, telling Vince to sit back down.

"If I come back." Vince smiled, pouting slightly "will you promise to be careful with me?"

"Always." Howard replied solemnly.

--

Slowly but surely Vince had returned to normal. He'd started getting used to the idea of not having to look immaculate all the time and quite enjoyed lazing round the flat on Sundays with no make up on at all. He still did his hair though, partly because he hated it when it looked even slightly messy but mainly because Howard had told him that he thought he looked most beautiful first thing in the morning because he knew that no one else got to see him like that, so it was special to Howard. Vince had got it into his head that if he left their bedroom without his hair or make up done then it would no longer be special to Howard and he liked the idea of something that only they shared. Howard had, on many occasions, tried to point out that there were lots of things that only they shared.

"Like what?"

"Like… crimps."

"I suppose, but that's not the same, is it? We always shared them, that's the kind of thing best friends share, this is the kind of thing boyfriends share." Howard had just smiled lovingly and Vince had shot him his most dazzling grin in return. A grin he was beginning to use more and more as his confidence returned. Also, as he became more confident he stopped worrying about stupidly trivial things like making the perfect the cup of tea or not washing up in the right way, using the wrong detergent or wearing the wrong outfit. Well, he did still worry about wearing the wrong outfit but not through fear of having it shredded to pieces.

Howard, with Naboo and Bollo, had helped him remember who he was and now he was truly happy again and comfortable in his own skin. He'd forgotten how much he enjoyed working behind the shop and showing off in flamboyant clothes but now he did it everyday. His appetite in the bedroom had returned as well and Howard felt as though the younger man was wearing him out.

One thing Howard was less happy about was Vince's renewed love of listening to loud electro music but he put up with it, just like Vince put up with Howard's jazz club meeting once a month, which Vince had even joined before declaring (after five minutes) that it was 'boring' and he'd 'rather gouge his eyes out with a pointy stick'. Howard had been a little irritated by the fact that after Vince left, the rest of the jazz club wanted to talk about Vince but after a while he realised swapping his second favourite topic of conversation for his favourite topic wasn't so bad. Only one thing had really changed from the way they used to be: Vince no longer so much as look at another guy, or girl. No matter how good looking, no matter how fashionable, no matter how perfect for him, Vince simply wasn't interested. When Howard had asked him about it Vince had just replied casually

"I guess they're all drowned out in the shadow of your love" followed quickly by "That sounded really stupid when I said it. When you said it sounded all romantic and beautiful. What does it even mean?"

"I don't know, I think it was in a song once."

"You cast a bigger shadow than I do." mused Vince, grinning wickedly.

"Oi!"

"What? you do!" Vince laughed pointing at their contrasting shadows on the shop floor. Then, without warning, Howard had pinned Vince against the counter tickling him mercilessly until the smaller man was begging for mercy.

As this was going on a tall blonde man had entered the shop and was stood anxiously by the door. He cleared his throat loudly and Howard and Vince looked up.

"Get out!" yelled Howard

"I'm here to speak to Vince." Kris said quietly, he looked rough, like he hadn't slept for weeks, his hair was a total mess and his eyes were red and weary.

"I don't care, OUT!" Howard yelled again.

"No," said Vince calmly, putting a hand on Howard's arm, "It's okay, I'll talk to him."

"You sure?" asked Howard. Vince nodded and turned to Kris.

"What d'you want?"

"Without him." Kris said jabbing his thumb towards Howard.

"Well, that's not an option." Howard said angrily.

"Wait," said Vince turning back to Howard "I think I need to do this."

"What?" asked Howard in disbelief

"I need to have this chat." Vince explained "I need to really put him behind me, to put it all behind me." Howard looked into Vince's blue eyes and nodded slowly.

"Okay, but I'm going to be just back here so if you need anything" he glared at Kris "you just call me okay." Vince smiled and kissed Howard on the cheek before the taller man busied himself behind the divider so that he could still hear what was going on.

"Right," Vince said confidently "Hurry up, I haven't got long."

"Okay," sighed Kris "I want you back."

"Is this a joke?"

"No, I love you. I know I treated you bad but…"

"Treated me bad? Well, that's understatement of the year."

"I love you Vince."

"No you don't."

"You really want to spend your life with this idiot?"

"He's not an idiot."

"He's unfashionable!"

"No, he's got his own fashion, he's individual, unlike you. You're just as much a wannabe as those people who you hang around with."

"I'd rather be a wannabe than a complete jazzy freak"

"You wanna watch what you're saying I happen to love that jazzy freak."

"You've said that before!" scorned Kris

"What is that suppose to mean?!" spat Vince

"It didn't stop you last time." Kris smiled.

Vince glared at the blonde man and shouted "You were a mistake! A mistake I was too stupid to put right. I love him. I love him so much that it actually hurts inside when I think about it. You don't even know what that feels like. You haven't got a clue what love is."

"I _love _you." Kris insisted

"What we had wasn't love. Love is supposed to make you happy. You wouldn't let me do anything I wanted to, you wouldn't let me wear what I wanted to, you kicked me out of the band, you…"

"I've left the band."

"It's not about the band!"

"I left because I missed you."

"Left because you missed having someone to push around more like."

"No, I thought that with the band taking off and being a regular in cheekbone and everything I'd be happy but I'm not because you're not there."

"That's exactly how I feel" sympathised Vince "I could be more famous than Madonna, I could be richer than Bill Gates but none of it would matter if I didn't have Howard because he makes me feel as though I am that famous and that rich because he loves me. He makes me happy and if you really love me like you say you do you'd leave me alone and let me be happy, because my happiness should matter more to you than anything else."

Kris looked at Vince carefully and then at Howard who'd come out from behind the divider.

"You're a very lucky man" Kris said to Howard "I'd give anything for him to talk about me like that." Howard said nothing "And you're lucky too Vince, to find someone so perfect for you."

"I know." said Vince smiling up at Howard as the bigger man slid his arms around his shoulders.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you." Kris said quietly turned to leave. As he reached the door Kris turned back and said "Vince?"

"hmm?"

"Don't mess it up this time. But just know if you do, I'll always be there." and with that he strode out of the door and flounced, seemingly carefree, down the street.

Vince lent heavily against Howard and began to cry.

"Woah, what's wrong?"

"That was horrible." Vince sobbed "It was like looking at what I could have become if it wasn't for you."

"No you're stronger minded than he is."

"Only when you're around." Vince sobbed, feeling Howard's arms squeeze him tight.

"That's okay then." smiled Howard "I'm always going to be around." Vince looked up at Howard allowing the bigger man to wipe his tears away with his thumb.

"Promise?" he asked.

"I promise. Now why don't you go and dry your tears off properly and maybe tonight you could take me clubbing."

"You _hate _clubbing!" Vince gasped

"Yeah, but you love it so…"

"Wait, this doesn't mean we're going to have to stay in tomorrow night listening to Jazz records does it?" asked Vince suspiciously.

"No." laughed Howard.

"Oh okay then." Vince said brightening up "Let's go clubbing." Howard laughed lovingly as his boyfriend disappeared up the stairs. He knew that they could now put everything behind them now and get on with being happy and in love. He took the small box out of his trouser pocket, flipped it open and looked down and it's contents. He hoped that which ever bar they went to first had a fairly clean floor, he didn't fancy getting down on one knee on a floor covered with alcohol and chewing gum. Vince suddenly popped his head around the corner and Howard snapped the box shut slipping it in his pocket before Vince noticed.

"You know, there's a jazz club just opened, we could go there - you know for a bit." said Vince brightly.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I might wear sunglasses though… and a big hat… possibly a mask."

"Okay then" chuckled Howard.

As Vince vanished from Howard's line of vision he did a little internal jump for joy. He knew what he'd seen in that box in Howard's hand. Now the pressure was on, he really _did_ have to look perfect. He ran to his bedroom to straighten his hair and put on his make up and more importantly perfect his 'yes'.

* * *

**Okay, so there it is! The end.**

**Lol. I'd love to hear what you all think, reviews do make my day especially when it's raining and miserable outside and school is looming. (I could do with something to cheer me up). Go on, just one last review... one more. It's just a lil button. (Okay, enough of me begging - I have no pride shakes head).**

**Just quickly:  
I'd like to thank EVERYONE who has reviewed (and who _will_ review(?) - that really was the last bit of begging: I swear-) anyway, they've all been lov-er-ly. Thank youu!!  
And I'd like to _ESPECIALLY _thank Swisstony who's reviewed every single chapter, almost religiously. Thank youu!! : ) (p.s - don't stop now or this will look stupid. Lol. Only joking!) - (was that more begging? - damn)**

**Finally, I am incredibly supersticious so ending this on 13 chapters is giving me a mild panic attack. lol. I just thought you should know that!**

**Thanks for reading & reviewing!!  
****Anyway, love ya all.**

**Sisi…xx**


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